When I was little I dreamed of being a Disney Princess – or maybe Vanna White.

I grew up in a small West Texas town and attended Texas Tech University where I graduated with a degree in engineering. Just prior to graduation I became engaged to a fellow engineering student. We married; then reality set in. I was divorced a few years later.

After the divorce was finalized I began to put the pieces of my life back together, or so I thought. I met and later married another man. We chose to adopt kids – six kids. Soon after we began the adoption process, I lost my mom suddenly due to illness. This was a terrible shock. It took me several years before I even began to recover. All the while our little family was growing. I wrote a parenting book, under the pen name of Stacey Addison. I spoke at conferences. I taught school. I volunteered at church. I thought we had the perfect family. Then a few short years later, I walked in to find my husband, a local policeman, molesting our daughter. Suddenly I became a single mom, of six kids, age 7-17.

I’ve lived through survival mode and graduated to survivor mode. I’ve failed. I’ve cried. I’ve screamed. And I’ve triumphed. And through it all, I can say, God is faithful. He is bigger than me. He is bigger than my problems. And, I can promise you, He is bigger than yours as well.

I have learned so much in this process. I’ve seen, first hand, the resiliency of kids who simply refuse to give up. I’ve seen myself go from a wide-eyed, naïve child, out to change the world, to a woman, slightly tarnished by life but glowing with a joy only God can provide. And most of all, I’ve learned to trust in God, to align my life to His will and to trust Him for the outcome. Below is a detailed description of just how much God has blessed me, sustained me and walked me through the fire.

Defining Miracles

I’m not certain why God answers my prayers.  I only know that He does.  It’s certainly not anything that I deserve or that I’ve earned.  But despite all of the hardships in my life, I consider myself to be truly, irrevocably blessed.  For in these past ten plus years, I have seen the hand of God carry me through.  The best way that I can describe what happened the night I walked in on my ex-husband molesting our teenage daughter, the night my marriage ended and my life changed forever, was that some force pulled the floor upon which I was standing out from under me and I fell…straight into the hand of Almighty God. 

God worked in many, many ways but the easiest one to give words to is my finances. I list the details because numbers don't lie.  They are black and white.  They are not an opinion or an exaggeration.  These numbers helped me to realize just how big and truly impossible my answered prayers were and are.  All that I list below is an improbability of which the magnitude might be compared to the fog at Normandy.  It’s just too great a coincidence to be ignored.  So, I will let the numbers tell the story. 

My ex-husband accumulated a significant amount of debt prior to our marriage and had very poor credit.  After we married I found this out. So upon my suggestion, we contacted creditors, made deals for the balances, and eventually placed all remaining debt under a consolidation loan in both of our names.  I had the good credit and income that made the loan possible.  When we divorced, I took on all of this debt. My name was on it.

The Debts that I took on from our marriage included the following:

• The consolidation loan I spoke of earlier, which was $63,000 when we signed for it on 12/30/2010. The payments were $1500/month.

• A spray foam trailer and equipment my ex-husband had purchased with the intent of starting a business. The business never took so the trailer / equipment had been for sale for approximately two years prior to the divorce with no success. At the time of our sudden separation, $51,588 was owed to the bank. That monthly payment was $1,280.

• We also owned a second house we had been trying to sell for quite some time. (When we moved we made the mistake of purchasing a new home before our old home sold - then it never did.) The mortgage was $1100 / month.

So there you have it: me, six kids ages 7-17, and a hole so deep light could scarcely penetrate – but God did.

In November 2011, the spray foam trailer sold.  It even rented a few months prior for an amount adequate to cover the note.

Several months later, the land we owned, that had also been sale for years prior to the divorce, sold.

The rent house did not immediately sell, but was soon rented by a gentleman who faithfully paid on-time for years.  He even offered to increase his own rent by $100/a month when he saw how close his payment was to the actual mortgage of the house. When he moved out, approximately 5 years later, the house sold within about a month. I made $50,100 on the sale.

When one adds up the debt and monthly payments, compared that to my income, it is impossible.  But time and again I saw the hand of God provide. 

Twice when I didn’t have enough money, I was sent a $700 check for a refund of some custom windows we ordered prior to our separation. (These were obviously no longer a priority.)  Not only did the company gladly refund money for custom windows but told me to keep the second $700 check even after I called them and told them I thought there might be a mistake.  Another month I received a refund for insurance of several hundred dollars.  I watched as God turned five loaves and two fish into enough to feed 5,000 men. God really does specialize in the AMAZING.

Divine Provision

One of my good friends, a woman in her fifties raising two very young children, is active and energetic.  One day as we were visiting, she relayed to me her “secret” - eating and juicing fresh fruits and vegetables.  I wanted in on this lifestyle of energy, but had one dilemma: we ate canned food, frequently purchased at a salvage store, because it is less expensive than buying fresh.  When I prayed about it, I felt God was telling me, “Just go to the store and I will provide.” 

So, I went to the store.  As I shopped, I noticed a man sorting fresh fruits and vegetables.  His name was Abraham.  I could tell one box, although it looked perfectly fine, was going to be thrown out.  When I asked him if I could have it, he said I could, but had to call it “pig food.”  This suited me fine.

Week after week I went to the supermarket for their “pig food.”  Week after week, I came home with the most beautiful assortment of fresh fruits and vegetables—fruit trays, avocados, peppers, watermelon—more than you can imagine and enough that it not only fed my family but our entire block and a couple of food pantries as well. 

Eventually, I became tired of the extra time and energy that it took to support this “pig food” habit of mine and I began complaining—if not out loud at least in my spirit.  Shortly after, “pig food” was no longer available from the store. Months passed, and I became quite disenchanted with the staple apples, oranges and bananas I was now purchasing.  I longed for the luxury I had come to expect.  So, I prayed.   It was a rather simple prayer.  Something like:

Dear God,

Please bring back the pig food.  I promise I won’t complain.  And if you don’t mind could you send me some baby carrots.  (At the time I prayed this prayer, I was chopping up carrots.  The whole carrots are so much less expensive than the baby ones but my youngest only snacks on them when they are in bite sized pieces.)

Approximately two weeks passed.  I told no one of the prayer.  Then a friend of mine came to me and said, “I found a store that will do pig food!”  I knew God had answered my prayer.  And sure enough when we picked up the first supply, there was a box measuring approximately 18’’x 24” filled with nothing but baby carrots.

Coincidence you claim?  Well let’s not stop there.  My phone broke.  Well, actually if you want to be technical it fell off of my moving vehicle and was run over.  But who’s keeping track.  I prayed for a new phone.  About a week later—without me asking or complaining—someone gave me a new phone.  And I might add a much nicer one than I had to start with. 

One Thursday evening we were eating hamburgers on large sesame seed buns at my dad's house.  Typically, I only purchase the smaller, less expensive, non-seed version.  Enjoying my hamburger I whispered a silent prayer, “God, if you don’t mind could you send us some of those large hamburger buns with the sesame seeds.” The following Saturday morning, while sitting at a park with a friend of mine and our families, a man randomly jumped out of a large, white van and began handing out huge packages of beautiful, sesame seed hamburger buns.  As he handed us a package, my friend turned to me and asked, “Did you pray for hamburger buns?” 

The man explained to everyone that his girlfriend worked at a fast food restaurant where they weren’t allowed to use the buns one day after they were out of date.  He simply took what was to be thrown out and gave it away instead. 

You believe what you want.  But, I have never in all my years prior, been sitting at a park only to have a man jump out of his vehicle to hand me a giant package of sesame seed buns (sealed and delivered).  I say a prayer and two days later it happens.  You can’t tell me that’s not divine intervention.

A few years after the divorce, I felt the Lord prompting me to sell the “fixer-upper” that my ex-husband and I had purchased in 2009.  I was tired of the memories and tired of the “fixer-uppering” it took to maintain this humble abode I called home.  I prayed about selling the house.  I prayed about the listing price.  It sold in less than a month for $20,000 more than we had paid for it.  And I was completely honest with the buyers who, for some reason, wanted to live there.  I literally walked them through the home and told them everything that was wrong with both the house and the neighborhood. Little did I know that being faithful in the Lord’s prompting to move to a new house would place me in a position to receive the biggest miracle of all.

When my ex-husband and I adopted in 2009, a little thing existed called an adoption tax credit.  However, it was a non-refundable tax credit. In 2010, the law was altered changing it to a refundable credit. . 

Mid-year 2011, halfway through the divorce proceedings, I discovered that I should qualify for this refundable credit. My tax advisor filed an extension for 2010 and waited until the divorce was finalized in December of 2011 before filing my taxes.  Then, I filed as head of household.  Turned out there were two problems with this.  One, unknown to me at the time, I couldn’t legally file as head of household.  Because, regardless of the divorce in 2011, we were married all of 2010.  The second problem was a stipulation in the tax law stating anyone who was married when they adopted must file as married to receive the credit.  So there you have it.  Two problems. 

What did the IRS do?  Well, they not only denied the credits but gave me a $20,000 civil penalty as well because I had sought the adoption tax credit by filing as “head of household.” For a couple of years, my tax advisor fought this decision.  She called the IRS.  She filed for tax court.  You name it.  She hit brick wall after brick wall. However, when I felt led to move, I absolutely had to get my taxes in order if I was going to purchase a new home. So, I went down to the local tax office myself. I called the attorney working for the IRS. I tried all I knew to do in the natural. No success.

Then one day, on my face before the Lord, I decided to simply trust that God would move on my behalf— that He would cause the penalty to be dropped and that I would be given the tax credit. I had done all I knew to do. Now I had to give it to Him and to trust.

The very next day, the attorney for the IRS, told me she was going to drop the $20,000 penalty.  A few weeks later, I felt to call a number listed on the bottom of several letters the IRS had sent me (stating that they were going to place a lien on my house). The woman who answered the phone just happened to be the attorney at the National IRS office who specialized in adoption credits.  (I had no idea who she was when I made the phone call.  It was simply a name and number I saw on the bottom of a form.)  

The IRS made a special exception for my circumstances, and they brought it before a judge for approval. I was granted the adoption credits. They did this in spite of the fact that a judge had recently ruled in favor of the IRS in a similar case.  In the words of the IRS attorney, “This really doesn’t happen.”

I signed the court documents in March of 2014 stating that the IRS was conceding the case and that I would be awarded $103,000 in addition to the $8,000 I had already paid toward the penalty. When I later received a check it totaled $119,000. I can only assume they paid me interest.

I knew I must pay off all debt with the exception of my house note.  After that, I wasn’t sure what to do with the remainder of the money.  So once again, I prayed and sought God's guidance. 

I thought, perhaps, I should donate a portion of the money to charity Then, place the remainder in a retirement account.  This seemed wise.  But, for some reason, I kept visualizing the parable of the talents found in the Bible.  You remember the one? (Matthew 25: 14-30)  One man is given 5 talents, which he doubles.  Another man is given 2 talents, which he also doubles.  And a third man is given one talent which he buries in the ground—for fear of losing it.  When the master returns, he is pleased with the first two men but angry with the third.  I never understood this.  After all, the third man didn't hide or steal from the master.  He was simply afraid of losing what he had been given, so he buried it instead.  I didn't really understand it—until now. 

Please keep in mind, this isn't financial advice.  Retirement accounts are wise and it's not sinful to save money.  The problem is that's not the reason God gave me THIS money.  He wanted me to DO something with the money – not to let my fear of losing it cause me to bury it away somewhere. 

So, I prayed. I sought advice.  One thought lay heavy on my mind.  I have always wanted to write and speak full time.  I have always wanted to impress upon people the miraculous goodness of God—even in the most difficult of times.  I prayed again, “God if you want me to speak and write full time.  I really need you to close some doors.  I have a good job.  I don't know if it's the right thing to do to quit that job.  I don't want to lose my job, but if you want me to do this, please have them surplus me.” (That meant you still had a job with the same school district but would be transferred to a different school.)  About two weeks later, the principal of my school told me I had been surplussed.  I was terrified and excited at the same time.  Hurt, but knew it was an answer to my prayer.  I resigned on April 21, 2014.  Trusting God for the next steps.

To the best of my understanding, all of this points me to a scripture found in Mark 11: 22-25: “Then Jesus said to his disciples, Have faith in God.  I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, “May you be lifted up and thrown in to the sea,” and it will happen.  But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart.  I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours.  But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.”

Now this verse says two things to me.  We must believe and allow God to heal the broken places in our lives. Don’t hold on to bitterness. Forgive as we have been forgiven through Christ Jesus. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we have to trust them again. It doesn’t mean we have to let them back into our lives. It simply means we let God be God and we get to His precious child.

To “believe”, is a decision that we make—a commitment to trust in God and in His faithfulness.  I am in no way saying that if you have an unanswered prayer, you are harboring un-forgiveness or lack faith.  I understand that God is sovereign and His ways are above my ways and His thoughts are above my thoughts.  But, I have resolved to place my trust in Him no matter what the cost, no matter what the pain, the loss or how desperate the situation. 

There are times when life doesn’t turn out like we want, first of all, because we live in a very fallen world, marred by sin. And, as long as we have free choice, which I wouldn’t give up for anything, there will be sin. But, also, because there is a bigger picture, which we won’t see this side of heaven, and a picture that we can’t begin to understand.  You see, I believe God is a “big picture” God and sometimes we are “small picture” people.  I think of Job when he questions God.  And God, in turn, asked Job where he was when He created the heavens and a whole host of other things that Job knew nothing about. 

Things may not always make sense, but as for me, I will choose to trust the God who spoke the world into existence and loves me in and through every failure, every misfortune, every trial and every triumph. He is Emmanuel. He is God with us.